Fake It Til You Make It: How to Be a People Person Even If You’re Not

For a lot of us being a “people person” feels not only unattainable but even laughable. Without a shred of charisma flowing through your veins, it’s easy to feel like you’ll never have that office charm you so often seek.

But we at Toner Connect are here to tell you that’s not true! With a few of these tried and true tips, you’ll be on your way to charming your way to the top.

When you think of “people person” the word charismatic comes to mind and unfortunately you may even assume that only people born with it have it.

Luckily for you, that’s actually not true. Unlike the color of your eyes or the height of your forehead, charisma is not something that will be predetermined by your DNA.

Are some people more gifted at it?

Yep, but all it takes is a little practice and you can master this skill as well.

To make it easier, we’ve assembled a list of the best ways to make it happen.

Try to Relate

A skill that can be particularly effective for those in customer service, being able to relate to the person you’re communicating with can be a huge benefit. Nothing strengthens a conversation more than the ability to empathize.

If you’re speaking with someone and they are experiencing something you can relate to, share it with them!

For example, if you’re sitting in an interview and the interviewer mentions having a disobedient dog and you had the experience of dog sitting a particularly bad pet, share it! The other person will enjoy hearing something personal from you and it will create an excellent repertoire for the rest of your engagement.

Just make sure you keep it short and never stray too far from professionalism.

Express Genuine Emotion

In an article written for Business Insider, psychologist Ronald Riggio says “Charismatic individuals express their feelings spontaneously and genuinely. This allows them to affect the moods and emotions of others” In other words, the excitement you feel for a project or an idea can rub off on others if you’re willing to let that emotion shine through.

Likewise, negative emotions can have the same impact.

Think Eeyore-ish behavior. Business Insider referred to it as “emotional contagion”.

How you feel can have a negative or positive impact on those around you.

One of Charles Dickens’s most (in)famous characters from A Christmas Carol Ebenezer Scrooge, after being greeted with a cheerful “Merry Christmas!” announced: “Every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.”

As delightfully descriptive as that is, it’s not the best response to a holiday greeting.

Listen with an Intent to Ask

Nothing will play to your strengths of emotional connection more than listening to the person you’re conversing with.

Surprisingly, one of the best ways to become more charismatic is not by talking but to surrender the floor to the other person and hearing them out.

Similarly, asking questions will reiterate how well you actually listened. It will help make the other person feel heard and more importantly, significant to you. Keep in mind, listening goes hand-in-hand with body language.

Be aware of how you’re standing.

Are you facing the person? Are your eyes on your phone or their face? Are your arms in a relaxed position? Psychology Today agrees saying “By animating your body language, engage others.”

Sharing is Caring

You’ve probably noticed that being open about yourself goes hand-in-hand with building people person skills and you would be right. Certain things about your life should, of course, be kept private and decided by your own common sense and discretion but feel free to share exciting or enjoyable things.

Forbes points out that “when people come alive about their passions or hobbies, they immediately become a lot more charismatic.” Concluding that “being bored with life is never equated with charisma.”

Alan Carniol from Interview Success Formula noted that “When you talk about a passion-the challenge that keeps you up at night, the people about, how you want to impact the world for the better-your energy will come through.”

Think about the hobbies you’re currently enjoying. Have you been hesitant about sharing them with others? Keeping quiet about your collection of model cars? Think no one will like you if you admit to jamming to Barry Manilow every morning?

Think again!

Even if people don’t feel the same they’ll still enjoy getting to know you better and the energy you’ll radiate from sharing something you love. And no matter what anyone says, “Can’t smile without you” will always be a classic. Keep it real Manilow, keep it real.

Be Prepared

As the Boys Scouts of America like to say, “be prepared”. Now you’re probably asking what has that got to do with being charismatic? A lot actually. Think about the last office meeting you attended. Was there one person in the room that seemed to have all the right answers?

Either the presenter or attendee? Chances are that person was oozing confidence, and in turn, it fueled their charisma.

Want to know why? Just ask the Boy Scouts. They were prepared. In the same Forbes article, writer Simon Reynolds points out that “one of the most powerful ways to come across as charismatic is to really, really know your stuff.”

So the next time you’re preparing for a meeting, presentation, interview etc…go the extra mile to be as well prepared as you can. You’ll be surprised at how well your self-confidence will boost your people person skills.

Concern yourself more with building others up and you’ll be surprised at how frequently it will lift you as well.

Is that Humble Pie I smell?

One final thought for building your charisma is to make note of where you hold the value of your self-importance.

There is a big difference between someone who is confident and likable as opposed to someone who is egotistical and annoying.

Luke Evans gave an excellent example in his portrayal of the pompous and slightly insane Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Going so far as having the character proclaim that Belle only deserves him because “she’s the only one as beautiful as me”. Talk about your people person.

Ashley Stetts says in her Elite Daily article, “Those who are truly socially successful and charismatic never speak about all the stuff they have or all the amazing things that they’re doing, their reputation will speak for itself. Being humble is a very powerful quality that screams confidence and charisma, and it’s a shame that so few people realize this.”

Those who rely on others to pad their own ego will need it often. Even Gaston needed a whole tavern of people to sing his praises literally using his own name before he felt better.

Concern yourself more with building others up and you’ll be surprised at how frequently it will lift you as well.

Possessing the ability to charm people right and left doebs not have to be an impossible task. As with all things it will take practice and persistent but in the end, it will always pay off. You do have the skill to be the “people person” you’ve always dreamed of and with Toner Connect’s help, you have the potential to get there in the end.

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5 Surprising Reasons You Haven’t Been Promoted Yet

You’ve been working at the same company for a while now. On the announcement board, there’s notice of a new managerial position. It would mean a promotion for you and you’ve been toying with the idea for weeks.

More money. More money. More money.

Yet, even though you’ve been side eyeing the job, someone else makes the cut and your professional heart is broken.

What could you have changed? What prevents you from advancing in your professional career? It almost feels as though everyone is moving on up while you stay at a professional stand still.

Well it can be either A- you’re a real crappy worker. Or B – you just haven’t figured out how why you haven’t been promoted and need to figure it out.

You Haven’t Asked

What? People actually ask for the things they want? And they get it?

Yes, it’s true. Your bosses are not mind readers. It’s even normal for them to overlook your hard work and consider someone else for the promotion.

That person probably asked about it.

So how do you take advantage of the next opportunity to move up in your workplace?

Let ‘em know.

Let your supervisors know that you’re interested. It’s as simple as dropping a line that the promotion looks like a great opportunity. You can say something like, “I’d really like to know more information about the new managerial position.”

And just like that, you’ve placed yourself as a person of interest because you showed interest.

It’s a huge sign to your boss that you have initiative and desire to grow within the company. You’re asking for more work and more responsibility and if you are the valuable worker you believe yourself to be, they’re listening.

2. Spreading Yourself Thin

Yes, even if you want to take initiative, you shouldn’t take ALL the initiative.

It’s nice to be the go-to person but be careful not be excessive when adding on work tasks. Volunteering to take care of all the work tasks is great, until you start to spread yourself thin.

Suddenly, some of your work is inefficient and full of errors. All because your focus was spread across a span of multiple projects.

So be careful not to take on too many tasks. It hurts your reputation as an effective worker and is a big blow to your work reputation. The bosses want someone able to balance their time and efforts and taking on one too many tasks is a step in the wrong direction.

3. Thinking “That’s not my job”

This is contradicting advice, right? Don’t raise your hand to volunteer for too many projects but don’t walk away from a task because it’s not in your job description?

There’s a science behind learning to balance the two.

Take a step back and try to analyze why your supervisor asked you to do something. Do they think you are more efficient? Do they value your personal input?

Sometimes it could even be as easy as a test of your willingness to go the extra mile. Every supervisor wants to higher the candidate willing to look at the company’s bigger picture.

Responding with, that’s not my job, shows your lack of company spirit and it’s not a good mark on your team building spirit.

That promotion is a goner for sure.

4. Continuous Learning

You got certified to get the job. You’ve been there for almost 3 years now. Have you gotten re-certified or taken any classes or seminars that may help you become a more efficient worker?

If you answered no, you’re losing brownie points here, my friend.

Pick up an extra class to improve your soft skills. Everyone needs a little fine tuning once in a while and heading to a seminar or class is a great way to start.

You can even read a book related to your industry. The idea here is to learn something new. Fostering a continuous learning habit is a huge asset for your professional development and for the company.

You then become the more qualified candidate against your peers because of your willingness to continue learning.

How can you let your boss find out about your new polished set of skills? Without bragging or overselling, strike up a conversation about how helpful a class might have been for you, or how an idea in the book you’d just read sparked might help the company’s marketing plan.

Your boss will see your desire for not only your personal but company growth and appreciate your input. That’s a sure way for them to lock you in as a candidate when promotion times rolls around.

5. They can’t afford it

If you’re working for a small business and you notice they’re cutting things like OEM toner out of their budget to accommodate compatibles, they probably can’t afford to promote you.

Some businesses aren’t aware of the full scope of their financial situation until it’s too late and your job disappears. So, if you notice that some things are off, maybe it’s time to move on.

Sure, it seems a bit harsh to cut tail and split from the company. What about all that ‘keeping company growth in mind‘ we talked about earlier?

Well, think of it this way. If you’re happy in your position, then stay. If you seek growth within a company and you see yourself in a higher position, then it’s time to go.

It’s tough finding a work balance that can help your chances at a promotion and you can never expect things that are unexpected. But you can prepare and arm yourself for when the time comes. Pay attention to your work surroundings. Analyze what you think you boss is looking for. Ask questions to people who have previously moved up in the ranks and make an effort to place yourself as a valuable candidate.

Besides, who doesn’t want to feel valued with a promotion?

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The 6 Things You Want To Do Before Your Start Your Work Day

In order to be successful, it’s often good advice to do what successful people do. People like Tim Cook, Michelle Obama, Bob Iger and Bill Gates who have a pretty good track record.

So what are they all doing?

And while it’s called “the secret to success” we at Toner Connect are ready to spill.

Get enough sleep

A lot of people will say the only way to be successful is to rise before the sun and that might be true for some people. Tim Cook and Michelle Obama are well-known early risers, getting up at 3:45 a.m. and 4 a.m. respectively.

However, billionaire investor Warren Buffet doesn’t rise until after 6, telling PBS in an interview, “I like sleep”. Apparently so does Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg who doesn’t get to the office until 10:30 a.m.

When it comes to being successful, while getting up early can certainly get you ahead of the game, a study done by the Psychology Department at the University of Sacred Heart in Milan Italy concluded that those who do their best work in the evening are often more creative. The important thing for your body to function at its best is to get enough sleep. Studies say between eight to nine hours are ideal.

So while you’re setting your goals for the day, make a note to give preference to sleep!

“Shower Thoughts”

You’re probably not surprised to hear that most people come up with their best ideas in the shower. That’s actually not that far-fetched.

Thanks to the warm water your body is being encased in what scientists call an “incubation period”. Your body is able to relax and feel good and is, therefore, able to release the chemical Dopamine which is what allows the creative juices flow. Renowned neuroscientist Alice Flaherty concludes that “The more dopamine that is released, the more creative we are.”

But just how creative is our brain getting?

Well, you won’t know until you hit the showers. Literally!

Taking a shower in the morning is one of the best ways for your body to disconnect and quiet in the mind. And as a result, you know that problem you were mulling over the night before? Well, your brain has subconsciously been working to provide you with a solution and it’s only when your mind starts to wander that it gets a chance to plant those ideas in the forefront of your conscious mind.

Hence “shower thoughts”. It reminds me of Ares from Wonder Woman accept minus the evil warmongering and the fact that he probably wouldn’t show up in your bathroom.

Set Goals

One of the most helpful things to do in the morning is to go over the day’s schedule and set goals for yourself.

While major goals are a definite for a successful life, focus on the little ones that you want to work on for the day that will in the end help meet the bigger one. That way you won’t feel overwhelmed.

Having a “To Do” list is a great way to help people stay motivated and on track with the day’s tasks and we don’t have to remind you how great it is to check them off. Surprisingly, one of the founding fathers was an avid scheduler. Benjamin Franklin was so meticulous about his “To Do” list, he would wake up each day at 4 a.m. to start it.

Exercise

Whether it’s for ten minutes a day or only twice a week, the endorphins from exercising your body have proven to be a huge factor when it comes to running on full steam and meeting your goals of success.

Dr. Travis Bradberry mentions in his study that “it improves your self-control and energy levels over the course of the entire day.”

Getting your workout in first thing in the morning will not only help wake your body and mind up but it will release the body’s soothing neurotransmitters that help your brain stay in control of impulses. No amount of Wheaties will do that so plan to get moving!

Balanced Breakfast

Universally known as the “most important meal of the day” it is often times the most skipped. Starting your day with a healthy breakfast not only gives your body the fuel it needs to accommodate the burned calories from your workout but it also will give you healthy energy to begin your day.

Check out these superfoods to give your body what it’s craving.

While you’re at it, don’t forget to pour yourself a glass of room temperature lemon water.

Why room temperature?

Because cold water will only shock your system and it won’t be able to absorb the nutrients the lemon provides.

Why lemon water?

A half or whole lemon in the morning has a ton of benefits including:

Battles constipation-the citrus often helps in the bowel area to give stubborn visitors the push out the door it needs.
pH Balance-lemon water is a well-known natural remedy to help harmful bacteria in your urine to take a hike. Bye Bye UTI’s
Immune System Boost- Move aside oranges, lemons can give your immune system the vitamin kick to help ensure it stays healthy as much as possible.
Rehydrate-After you’ve finished your morning workout, instead of reaching for those expensive sports drinks, go for the lemon water. The hydrate just as well!

Prioritize

One of the first things you might be tempted to do in the morning is checking your email and by all means, go for it. Along with setting your goals for the day, most successful people start their day by responding and creating emails. And a big benefit to doing so is it will help you understand how your day is shaping out and you can create a more efficient goals list.

Prioritizing your time is one of the biggest factors in making the most of your day (or night) and you want to utilize your time wisely.

Successful people definitely know their way around navigating their mornings to be as efficient as possible and with these six tips you can make your future just a bright.